waiter
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“Bring her some dog food, and I’ll just have some people food.”
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Pepper?
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“Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?”
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“It says: ‘My compliments to the chef.'”
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“Fresh-ground Cheez-its on those Mallo-Mars, sir?”
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“And lastly, for all eternity, French, blue cheese, or ranch?”
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“I’ll have the misspelled ‘Ceasar’ salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco.”
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Food reality
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“If you would care to take a seat, our waiter, Paul, will be with you momentarily.”
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“Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged.”
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“How’s the squid?”
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Munch in Manhattan
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“I highly recommend, for God’s sake, sir, the escargot specialité de la maison.”
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“More croutons, sir?”
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