News

Showing 1–16 of 24 results

The New York Times-Carnegie Hall Poll
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Grasp of the Issues
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“In the interest of fairness to the Democrats, I’m not going to waste my time on their convention either.”
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Peek
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“The relatively placid seas and those vacationers behind me notwithstanding, Dan, it’s really starting to blow out here.”
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“Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong.”
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“Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged.”
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“No comment.”
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Trivialized by the Media
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American Gawker
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“Rain in the Northeast, clear skies to the south, while large portions of the Midwest continue to be blanketed by Shirley MacLaine’s aura.”
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“Today the American public at long last O.D.’d on Pee-wee Herman, briefly settled its attention on Bruce Willis, then finally decided to embrace an all-new, revitalized, state-of-the-art Richard Nixon.”
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“Today the secret ingredients for Mom’s Apple Pie were sold to the Japanese for sixty-eight million dollars.”
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“Hey, do you want to be on the news tonight or not? This is a sound bite, not the Gettysburg Address. Just say what you have to say, Senator, and get the hell off.”
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“Now here’s my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story.”
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Current Events
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